the boss.

not me!

ha...i'm talkin' 'bout bruce.

as in...

bruce springsteen.

the third love of my life (after david and peyton)

i really only care for him circa 1980-1990.

 rrrrarrrrrrrr! i'm on fire!

i have no idea where my strange bruce obsession came from.
but i just adore him.

CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER SHOULD NEVER BE BASED ON LOVE

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically correct”,there’ s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again:

“You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone”; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished” ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?

Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective….There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance….It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention….Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye”; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3.. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But……… Only God keeps You Going

Mont Kiara tragedy: Remorseful boyfriend apologises

I AM SORRY: Jack Ho (right), boyfriend of the late Jacqueline Foo (left), met her parents at the police station. Police still classify the case as sudden death.

"I AM sorry." These were the remorseful words of the man at the centre of the controversial and tragic death of 21-year-old college student Jacqueline Beatrice Foo following her ill-fated attempt last week to climb down nine floors from her family's apartment using only a raffea string.

Jack Ho, 34, her boyfriend, had been accused by Jacqueline's family of "playing a major role" in her death. The lovers had been seeing each other for around six months.

Speaking to Malay Mail yesterday, Ho said his days were filled with regret every time he recalled the incident.

Jack HoHe said he was "shocked" when he read about the claims by Foo's family that he was an "Internet predator" who had befriended more than 25 young girls via social networking website Friendster and chatted up young girls with different e-mails.

"I have never dated anyone else in my Friendster account with the exception of my late girlfriend," said Ho, adding that in his whole life he had had fewer than 10 girlfriends.

Ho, a widower with two young children, is currently jobless but looking for employment. The Klang resident admitted that he was sacked from his job as a sales marketer with an import export company about the time the tragedy made the news. Yesterday, he met Jacqueline's parents for the first time at the Brickfields police station. In the past, Ho would only meet Jacqueline in secret.

He said he "made some clarification with the parents" and that the situation was more amicable now after they knew more about him.

"I began to understand some things about them," he said, explaining that he was unaware of how adamant they were about her "aborting" his baby, which he believed Jacqueline was having, and for her to stay away from him.

"She never told me. She always gave me a different impression of her parents," he said, adding that at the meeting, the parents had scolded him for being "stupid" and they also "blamed their daughter for not allowing me to introduce myself to them". When asked why he had persuaded her to use a raffea string to climb down the building, he replied "I really did not know" and "she told me it was safe". He admitted to frequently regretting the episode.

Ho also denied Jacqueline's parents' earlier claims that he had mounting debs with loan sharks and that he "only picked on girls from wealthy families". Meanwhile, a close friend of Ho, Alvy Lee, defended him and said he was certain that Ho was not a "predator".

He said that Ho had briefly considered lodging a report on defamation of character, but had decided to let the matter go.

Lee said he was the one who had introduced Ho to Jacqueline.

"Jack and I were having dinner and I was talking to Jacqueline on the phone at the time. She asked if she could say hello to Jack. I passed the phone to Jack and they talked for about five minutes; and that was when they started communicating," he said.

Jacqueline's father, Jimmy Sioe Hok, said that he considered the case over and done with and "there is no use talking about it anymore." "The guy is already sorry. He told us that he felt sorry for what he had done," he said, adding that the maid, whom the family had questioned on her alleged role in planning their daughter's escape, was "okay now", and that she was to be brought back home.

In earlier reports, questions had been raised on what prompted Jacqualine's ill-fated attempt. It was alleged that she had done so after her parents had threatened to ship her off to Indonesia if she persisted in seeing Ho. It was alleged that the family, who were in the process of converting their Australian permanent resident status to Malaysian PR, had threatened to withdraw her application. It was also reported that, after Jacqueline had run away from home a few times, her parents were forced to lock her in the bedroom to prevent a repeat incident. However, on July 16, she nevertheless attempted to escape by scaling down the wall with a raffea string but lost her footing and fell.

It was alleged that, on the night of her death, Ho was waiting for her near the apartment in his car. However, when she failed to show up, he left, assuming that she had changed her mind about escaping.

It's a sad ending for Jac's life, nobody will ever know if its true love or just .....

May her soul rest in peace!

Any parents would have stop their 21-years-old daugther from having a relationship with a 34-years-old jobless widower with 2 kids!

The Man should has know better...